My name is Amina, and I am an alcoholic.
These words have been easy to come out of my mouth for the past three and a half years. This does not mean I have been sober this whole time. I first got sober August 2010. I was unemployed, recently single and broke. I was going to two to three meetings a day. I found a sponsor (which is a story I will not even get into, but let’s just say it was not a good match). I found out I was pregnant October 2010. My ex came around after some tumultuous times. We were having a baby. I strayed from the program. I pretty much stopped going. I never even got my two month chip. I did remain sober through my pregnancy and the first few months of my son’s life. I mean I couldn’t drink right?
Soon I learned about pumping and dumping, so my son would not get any alcohol in the breast milk. Up until September 2013, my drinking got worse. I was not getting into trouble or anything. I was blacking out, falling down, driving…etc. Trouble was right around the corner. It was only a matter of time. My husband urged me to go to rehab and I agreed.
I went down to Texas September 10 and had my first sober day on September 11. Rehab was wonderful. Though I went in with the idea that I would not be going back into the program, I saw things very differently this time. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot of coping skills. I learned the program was a wonderful place for someone like me. It is an amazing thing to be surrounded by people who truly understand the way you think and why you act the way you do.
I came back home October 10 thinking there was going to be this amazing reunion. There wasn’t one. There was more fighting at home now then before I had gone to rehab. Balancing a family and working on staying sober is not easy. I have cried almost everyday since I have been home. I having been searching high and low for someone who understands my situation. Being in early sobriety with a toddler and husband is not easy. I have a sponsor, which I got the day after I came home, who is wonderful but does not always understand the demands my family puts on me. I pretty much feel like I am always letting someone down. It is not a good feeling. If anyone is in the same boat, I would love to get in touch.
I am in the battle of my life. I am battling for my life. I have already seen how strong addiction is. Someone I know died of an overdose October 11. He was only 26. I was getting my one month chip the day he died. I cannot give up. I will not give up.
Thy will be done.
Journey to Freedom 