I had a drinking dream on Friday night. I woke up so emotional and disappointed. I felt like I had to tell my sponsor immediately. I couldn’t believe I had to change my sobriety date. I couldn’t believe I had relapsed. The weirdest part is it was just a dream. Nothing actually happened. It felt so real though. All the emotions were very real. Some people say it is good to have dreams like this. It is a way of your alcoholism reminding you that it’s there. Or it gives you insight into what you would really go through if you relapsed. Some say this is a good reminder and a good fear to have. The fear shows that you really care. I guess they are all right though it was a very unpleasant experience. Never in my life have I had my dreams affect my emotions or entire next day so much. I woke up nearly crying.
One thing I have had to realize is that people are going to relapse. A lot of my fellow rehabbers have already relapsed. One relapsed days after coming home and died within four days. People in the rooms also drift in and out. There is one person who I am in contact with that cannot get more than a few days sober. I am glad to see most of the people who have relapsed end up back in the rooms. It is still unnerving. It is so scary that relapse can equate to death. This really is a fight for our lives. Sometimes I wish people could see that. Addiction is no joke. No one asks to become an addict or alcoholic. These people are not weak or worthless. It is a disease. One that has had a horrible stigma for years. It is changing, but still many do not understand the disease. To my brothers and sisters in recovery or still suffering…I will not judge you. I will embrace you. I am here for you. I understand you. I love you.