An “Oh Crap” Moment

I just got home from a meeting, where I finally got my 4 month chip (yay!). It was a really good meeting. It was small, but everyone was really friendly. I was asked to read, which I did nervously. Then as the speaker was sharing his experience a familiar face walked in the door. I looked at this man realizing that I know him. He had lost quite a bit of weight, but I know I knew him from somewhere. Where did I know him from?

I was put on the spot and asked to share second while my head was just filing through the people I have met in my life. I spilled out some ramblings, which probably made no sense to anyone. I couldn’t really tell you because I can’t really remember what I said. I was that distracted.

Then it hit me. He was a bartender at a bar I used to get stupid drunk at in my early and mid twenties. I had actually ended up being banned from that bar. Classy huh?! I immediately felt really embarrassed, self conscious and uncomfortable. I wanted out of the meeting. But then I calmed myself down and thought, why am I feeling this way. I mean, he is here too. I can’t imagine everything has been peaches and cream for him or else he wouldn’t have been there. Plus, he probably isn’t judging me for being there. Come to find out he is new to the program. Maybe I can introduce him to some of the guys I have met.

Anyway, another lesson learned today. There is no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed of being an alcoholic. I was born this way. I did not ask for this disease. I am doing something about being an alcoholic. That is something to feel good about. The cycle has stopped ( for good, God willing).

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8 thoughts on “An “Oh Crap” Moment

  1. I know that “oh crap” feeling well! You’re absolutely right that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, for being at a meeting. Plus, he was probably feeling the same way you were, if he recognized you. That’s the beauty of an AA meeting: everyone’s there for the same goal. Congrats on getting your 4 month chip!

  2. Funnily enough, I have just committed myself to attending my first face-to-face meeting and one of my fears is running into someone I know there. I am not sure what I’d do if that were the case.

    But you are right – we would be there for the same reasons; nothing to feel self-conscious about.

  3. Congrats on 4 months!

    I have run into people from my drinking days too. Just remember that they are there for the same reason. Who we see and what we see in the rooms stays in the rooms. We carry the message…not the messenger. So I know that it freaks out people at first about seeing someone they know…but you’d be surprised at how non-plussed most people are in running into an old drinking or work or school person. One guy that I am good friends with now is someone that used to work for me and he and I used to drink together. It’s a wonderful thing to have him in my recovery life.

    Anyway, great share and congrats on your chip 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

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