Relief Seeking Missile

I heard this phrase in a meeting tonight. Describes me to a T. I’m sure it describes many other alcoholics, if not all of them. My drinking years, almost 20 years of them, were filled with this need to feel relief. The nervousness and anxiety was ever present. Alcohol was the main source of relief, which in turn created even more anxiety and depression. Sick cycle.

I am grateful that today I do not wake up thinking about when I can drink next. I am grateful that when 7 pm rolls around my skin is not crawling and I am insanely agitated. I, of course, am not free with the urge to drink. It happens from time to time and will for the rest of my life. But I am learning tools to cope. I am learning options to get through the times of seeking relief. For this I am eternally grateful. I no longer have to take the path of self destruction to calm the relief seeking missile that I am.

I feel blessed.

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